Alert! Alert! We're all going to die.

that's basically what everyone is freaking out about right now. yeeep, you know what I'm talking about and I haven't even said it yet. it's the infamous SWINE FLU! AH!! Take cover and actually wash your hands instead of leaving them as a tiny germ's playground. Because you know, there are a total of 350 cases worldwide! that's a pandemic if I ever heard one. So you know what that means? Everyone needs to start washing their hands and sneezing into their sleeves, as opposed to the normal into the air. Because, you know, everyone has the Swi--err, I mean H1N1 virus.
Look out! Only elbow-fives from now on...everyone is infected, don't you know?
5.2184338356694357e-8% of the estimated world population (as of July 2008) has been reported to have a confirmed case of the H1N1 virus!!!
that's .000000052184338356694357%, so we'd better freak out now. Don't let your time slip by, people! Take those extra steps out of your regular habit and actually wash your hands as a safety precaution, and remember to always throw away your tissues after you use them! We can't let this tragic pandemic ruin the lives of innocent people.
Don't let another day go by without dreaming of the effects of this menacing virus attacking your family!
Shut down ALL facilities. DO NOT, I repeat, do NOT let nature take its course. We, the humans, are at the top of the food chain, and therefore control all that happens in this world. We REFUSE to let this flu infect our lives; it's not a hiccup in life, this is a massive speed bump.
Don't let your family leave the house! We need to stay protected and remain healthy. Our plan of reverse psychology on the tiny virus has become a growing idea practiced now among the masses. What is this master plan?
Quarantine the healthy people!
Stay indoors. Don't go out. Shut down all pubic facilities.
Don't worry, friend, we'll make it out alive...but most likely, we won't.