"If only I had an enemy bigger than my apathy...

...I could have won."

-Mumford & Sons

Have I already used this one? If so, woops. I guess it's just that good.

Anyhow, this is how I feel about one of my 10-pagers right about now. I am trying so hard to focus in on it. I've started it, which is good! But I feel right now that it will quite literally be the death of me. BLARGH. Maybe I should go to bed now, try to wake up early and work on it? But we all know that our intellect and philosophical mindset heightens as the night falls. Will I be able to form cohesive and functional sentences come morning? Will I be ALIVE come morning? Will the MORNING come!?

SO MANY QUESTIONS.

I think it's time for bed...but then...if I surrender to the bed...I must also surrender to the hope of tomorrow...the tomorrow that is not promised.

If I remain awake, I do not negate the fact that tomorrow is not promised. But I do bypass the downfall that if tomorrow does NOT come, then I will have been anticipating this fact, therefore conquering the seemingly unconquerable certain end.

Which would be a good thing to add to my resumé...which would be rendered unusable and non-existent if the morning were not to come. But there would be no notable difference because I would not be able to be aware of this! So then what is really the point of staying awake if I do not pose any substantial gain?

But then am I solely extrinsically motivated? Motivated by what I can gain? It is important to have a certain extent of intrinsic motivation. My roommate talks about this a lot. My roommate motivates herself to remain intrinsically motivated.

I, on the other hand, am generally content with being extrinsically motivated. Especially when it comes to academia. Is this okay? Why am I okay with this?

THESE ARE MY THOUGHTS COME 2AM.

Alright. I think I've decided to take another stab into my paper.

Also, I've noticed that I have completed another digestive cycle and now my stomach groans to be fed. I shall resist. Because of the extrinsic motivation that consuming calories at this hour will have a negative effect on my metabolism/appearance/health/lifestyle.

peace.

-1:59am

"I know it's hard to say, throw it all away...

...but the odds are, we'll be better off."

-Mutemath

Hi there. Guess what! I'm on spring break! WOOOO! That means no classes but copious amounts of work to do anyhow. Ha.

I've been extremely stressed out and busy and yes lately.

Last weekend, five of my friends and I trekked back to my home. We left on Friday, drove quite a few hours, stayed the night at my house. Then the next day we went into the city where the show would be later that night. I encountered an interesting man. Here is my story.

We are in a Goodwill store in an interesting area. This man (in his mid-late twenties, I'd say) walks in. Our group is sort of beginning to gather towards the front of the store whilst still perusing around...I keep thinking this man is looking at me. And then I think he keeps walking right by our group. I'm watching what he's doing....he appears to be giving himself a pep-talk. Not really sure what's going on...so I turn to my friend and say, "Max, I feel like this guys keeps looking at me...it's kinda creepin' me out, I think I'm ready to go." Of course, said friend is not fully paying attention so he kind of just brushes it off.

I walk over to another male friend of mine to see what he's up to...he says, "Hey, have you seen this guy?"

I respond, "Yeah, I feel like he keeps looking at me. It's kind freakin' me out, I'm ready to go."

Friend: "It looks like he's having some trouble swallowing. I wonder if he's okay..."

Me: "I don't know. But I'm kinda freaked out...." (by this time Max is also standing with us)

THEN, the man walks STRAIGHT up to me. Looks me square in the eyes and says, "Have you ever felt gravitationally drawn to another human being?"

I WAS IN SHOCK. THE MAN. HE CAME UP TO ME. AND HE SPOKE. SUCH INTENSE WORDS. WHAT IS HAPPENING.

However, all of these were internal thoughts and I remained calm, cool and collected.

My response: "Uhh...no..."

Man: "Really!?"

Me: "Yeah, sorry..."

Man: "You've never felt that way before?"

Me: "No..." (Max just walks away leaving me with other friend and stranger man)

Man: "You've gotta be LYIN' to me!"

Me: "No, sorry...."

Man: "Hm. Well, I'm Jeff." [reaches out hand for a handshake]

Me: [by this point, if my friend had a bosom, I would have been in it I was so close to him. Ha!] "I'm Summer."

Man: "Summer, it's nice to meet you."

Me: "Nice to meet you, too."

Man: "So you've really never felt that way before?!"

Me: "Yeah...sorry." IS HE REALLY STILL ON ABOUT THIS!? Ha.

Me: "Well, it was nice to meet you, have a nice day."

Man: [as I'm walking away] "Ya know, Summer, I'm havin' a gr--I'm havin' a GREAT day. And I will have a GREAT day!"

I find my friend Max and say, "Okay, can we please go?"

Max: "Yeah, let's go."

So we waltz out of there as fast as possible even though everyone else is still inside. I think my other friend was just chatting with Jeff for a time, there.

Max: "Dude, you CALLED it!!" And there I was, extremely flustered and semi-shaken up. Just really in shock that something like that actually happened in real life (my life is a MOVIE, I tell you!!). I asked him why he just left us standing there earlier and he said he was hoping I would just follow him. Ha!

Then everyone else came out and asked about what had happened. We proceeded to walk along and go into random stores...we saw Jeff at least three or four times. He waved and nodded.

I WAS SO UNCOMFORTABLE. At one point, we had walked past a store and he came out and was walking right behind us. I sped up and linked arms with Max and said, "The guy...he's right behind us, can we go into a store please?"

Max: "Yeah, let's go."

Moral of the story: STRENGTH IN NUMBERS. And it's good if you're of the female gender to have male friends who care about your well-being. I don't know what I would have done without them. :)

Anyhow, we went to the show later that night, then didn't get back to my house until around 2am. Then we left that morning, got back an hour before I had to leave to go to ANOTHER concert with my sister! It was AMAZING. SO GOOD. So good that I just don't really even know what exactly I want to do with my life. Ha.

But anyway, this has been a successful time of avoiding one of two ten-page papers I must write this break. YIPPEE. -_-

peace.

-12:29pm