"If only I had an enemy bigger than my apathy...

...I could have won."

-Mumford & Sons

Have I already used this one? If so, woops. I guess it's just that good.

Anyhow, this is how I feel about one of my 10-pagers right about now. I am trying so hard to focus in on it. I've started it, which is good! But I feel right now that it will quite literally be the death of me. BLARGH. Maybe I should go to bed now, try to wake up early and work on it? But we all know that our intellect and philosophical mindset heightens as the night falls. Will I be able to form cohesive and functional sentences come morning? Will I be ALIVE come morning? Will the MORNING come!?

SO MANY QUESTIONS.

I think it's time for bed...but then...if I surrender to the bed...I must also surrender to the hope of tomorrow...the tomorrow that is not promised.

If I remain awake, I do not negate the fact that tomorrow is not promised. But I do bypass the downfall that if tomorrow does NOT come, then I will have been anticipating this fact, therefore conquering the seemingly unconquerable certain end.

Which would be a good thing to add to my resumé...which would be rendered unusable and non-existent if the morning were not to come. But there would be no notable difference because I would not be able to be aware of this! So then what is really the point of staying awake if I do not pose any substantial gain?

But then am I solely extrinsically motivated? Motivated by what I can gain? It is important to have a certain extent of intrinsic motivation. My roommate talks about this a lot. My roommate motivates herself to remain intrinsically motivated.

I, on the other hand, am generally content with being extrinsically motivated. Especially when it comes to academia. Is this okay? Why am I okay with this?

THESE ARE MY THOUGHTS COME 2AM.

Alright. I think I've decided to take another stab into my paper.

Also, I've noticed that I have completed another digestive cycle and now my stomach groans to be fed. I shall resist. Because of the extrinsic motivation that consuming calories at this hour will have a negative effect on my metabolism/appearance/health/lifestyle.

peace.

-1:59am