When everything seems like it's falling apart.

Well...it's literally been months since I've blogged. And I apologize to anyone reading this and my future self reading this. Haha. Now I probably won't remember anything that happened between my last post and this one. Alls I know now is that it is one of my roommates' birthdays today! WOO!

It was fun. We went and bought pizza, then drove u

p into this canyon nearby and had a picnic. The catch was, we had to dress up as an animal! (My suggestion. Just sayin'. Haha.)

Here are a picture from the evening. It was very enjoyable. :)

Left to right we have a birthday-girl swan, a belated-birthday-girl cat, a peacock, a butterfly, a dalmatian, a flower (yes, we are aware that is not an animal), and a girzerbra (giraffe-zebra hybrid). Photographers behind the camera = cow and raccoon.

Hahaha. I was a raccoon, but I definitely looked more like a cat. I pasted SO MUCH eyeliner on my eyes, it was ridiculous.

Finals are coming up this week, and I'm not really looking forward to it. I had a speech to do last Monday and it went....alright. It was supposed to be a 9-12 minute long persuasive speech and I chose my topic to be persuading people to grow their own produce. I had not practiced it at all and I had to deliver my speech, so I just had to wing it. I read it over a few times in my mind and I had every idea that it was going to be about six minutes long. So I decided to speak veeeeeery slowly. And I did. And I added random logical, yet made-up facts. Hahaha. I went up to my professor afterwards and asked him how I did, thinking I would be under time. HE TOLD ME IT WAS FIFTEEN MINUTES. THAT IS SO LONG. O_O

Hahahahahahahahahaha. Woops. And that was my final speech. OH WELL! ha.

Anyway, back to the emotions of the title. Last night, I was studying for a final with two of my very best friends at this university. And one of them tells me they need to tell me something. Which ended up being that there's an 85% chance they are not coming back next year. I DID NOT SEE IT COMING. Normally, finances are the thing that keep people away from school, but really, they just have an opportunity to do other things that they see as a better opportunity. Apparently, it was really hard for them to tell me. We're pretty close.

On top of all of that, two of my other really good friends didn't come back this semester, and two of my friends will be abroad next semester. And then one of my other really good friends might be studying abroad second semester next year. I just feel like I've got all these really deeply founded friendships and they're great. And now they could quite possibly be dwindling away. :(

AND, my best friend is going to be out of state for the entire summer except for two weeks before I leave. AND my sister isn't coming home this summer. And a lot of my friends are not coming home this summer in general. I'm just....feeling a heaviness. And I kind of want to cry, but at the same time, I just feel like it's so silly to cry about! It's not like I'm never going to speak to them again! I suppose it's just because I think one of my main love languages is hanging out with people. Just spending time and investing in other people's lives. And I can't do that when they're gone.

On a better note, I'm going to be a new student orientation leader next year! I AM SO PUMPED. I met with my group tonight (the group of all-orientation leaders leaders...haha. YEAH, REDUNDANCY!) It should be pretty rad.

I have a pretty bad headache right now...and finals are this week. And I have a vocal jury at 11:20am tomorrow. And I really really don't want to say goodbye to my friends here. I just...can't handle it right now. BLARGH.

I can't stop sighing, either. It's that heaviness. I think I need to pour out my emotions in song. Maybe I'll try that. Yeah. I think I will.

Alright, goodnight.

peace.

-11:08pm